Teaching Alexander to swear

Using expletives is just a natural part of being a human being. Whether you are 5 or 85, when things go wrong the natural recourse is to let fly, in the words of Star Trek, with a colorful metaphor. So it has been with Alexander these past couple of weeks. Following in his fathers footsteps (who did much the same at this age), Alexander has been heard to use the F word the S word and some other words even I won’t use.

Needless to say Dena was extremely upset and we found ourselves faced with a major dilemma. Using expletives is natural, but Alexander’s use of such profanity at the age of 5 was really too much for polite society. It’s amazing what you can pick up a school.

Finally, the answer came to me, and this past week I have been teaching Alexander to swear, but swear in English English not American English. The chances that the average American will understand these terms is quite remote. I am quite pleased with the result: Alexander when he doesn’t like what I tell him, tells me I am “talking complete bollocks!” His friend Dominic is sometimes “a right Pillock” or even “a little toss pot”. His teacher is a “donkey’s plonker” and sometimes his mother is a “dozy bint”. All in all this weeks lessons have been both fun and (I think) rewarding in increasing Alexander’s vocabulary without hurting the ears of his American peers